I used to be quite a prolific photographer. OK, OK, what I am really saying is that I was pretty annoying with a camera. I would take photos that really didn't come out of any need; I was just using film (and always getting double prints in case there was some gem hiding on each roll). We traveled a lot, and I liked to take pics in those situations, and even won a first place ribbon at the state fair for a photo I took in Montana when I was only nine or ten. But in social situations, especially in large groups, I would be the one taking a million pictures because I was so socially awkward, even with family. I'm not sure when that died down, but it must have been a combination of things that led me to it: loss of interest, the advent of new technology, smaller groups, very little travel, more self-confidence. I just don't enjoy spending my time behind a camera as much anymore.
Just a couple of weeks ago I returned from my first-ever cruise, which took us to Cozumel, Grand Cayman, and Jamaica. I took a few photos at each spot, and some on the ship, but for the most part, I was just enjoying seeing everything. Everywhere there was something to marvel at, whether it was the turquoise water, the coral, the shopping, the gigantic pool at the resort in Jamaica where we spent the day, or all the entertainment on the ship. There were new people to meet and visit with at each meal, which would have irritated me at any other time or place but was just so upbeat every time---and why not? Everyone was eating great food and sharing stories of their daily adventures to see stingrays or waterfalls or beaches. I didn't feel the need to photograph the new people who we met for one meal and pretty much never saw again. But I found myself just wanting to enjoy the experiences, too, and not to worry so much about recording every moment.
I really started considering this the last couple of days. My two Callaway nieces, Emeri and Allie, just spent the last two nights at my house. We hit the Pryor pool on Thursday (I foolishly thought I might still get my water aerobics class in, but it was too much fun just to play with the girls) and went to the water park here in Broken Arrow yesterday. Last night, after we all had a good nap and the girls watched a movie, we went out for some Mexican food at El Tequila. I got out my camera and took just a couple of pictures of them. A nice woman at the next table asked if I wanted her to take a picture of all of us together, and I politely turned her down, since I had no makeup on, but it got me to thinking about the fact that I just don't record every moment on film (SD card) anymore. Was I letting the girls down by not taking a picture with them that they can look back at in 30 years and say, "Oh, remember how Aunt Cathy used to take us to the pool?"
I think I got my answer. In my mind, I flashed on a picture of me as a toddler in Spring Creek with my Aunt Jayne and cousin Karen, who was a teenager at the time. For many years, I didn't know this picture even existed, though I've seen it enough times now that I can picture it in my head, the looks on each of our faces. But even without the picture, I remember the joy of being with them---they were a part of my father's rowdy, laughing family, and we spent many a day, especially at Christmas, at their cabin, the first on Saline Creek, and later behind Cavalier's place on Spring Creek. I remember the sound of Aunt Jayne's voice, her funny faces, though she has been gone for several years now. And, too, I remember my grandparents on both sides, their smiles, the shape of their hands, the scents of food or wood or soap in their homes, not because I have pictures in my possession but because I have memories in my head. I have the creak of the floorboards, the pop of the fireplaces or gas heaters, the feel of my great-grandma's arms around me. I have pictures I can see, yes, but I have more pictures in my heart than I could ever afford to print.
Someday, I hope my nieces and nephews, siblings and students, friends and family, will be able to say the same. I hope Instagram keeps people connected now, but that there are infinitely more memories to be carried for a lifetime just a synapse away. I'm going to keep on taking pictures when I think I need to, but mostly, I just want to live my memories first-hand.
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