I used to tell my students, both secondary students and the college English majors who were preparing to teach, that it doesn't do one bit of good to correct people's grammar, especially if you weren't in a classroom setting. No one will welcome it, and a fair number will resent the living daylights out of you. Some would even take it as a personal insult, as though they were being looked down on.
In the classroom, things were sometimes different. First, one would assume that people who are in class expect and hope to learn something. This was the most rewarding part of my experiences teaching for Northeastern in Tahlequah, Tulsa, and Broken Arrow. My students wanted to improve, accepted that they needed to brush up some skills, and knew that I could help them. Second, they knew there was no judgement involved; we were working together to better their understanding of the language. I loved that moment of recognition on a student's face, when he/she finally understood something that had perplexed him or her forever---for example, when to use "me" and when to use "myself"---that was really simple, but no one had explained in quite the right way before. I was really good at that, putting grammar into little bites of knowledge that were understandable and useful, that could improve that student's skills both in writing and in personal speaking, such as job interviews, that could drastically improve that person's situation.
Well, let's flash forward to present day, since I haven't taught any college classes in the last ten years. I recently had a conversation with a person who was struggling with a family relationship; the two have different faith and values, though they have an unbreakable bond and love each other fiercely. After thinking things over for a bit, the best advice I could think of was something like this: It's a lovely thing to bring someone who is lost, hopeless, and floundering in the darkness into the light, into a place of reconciliation and acceptance. It's quite another thing---impossible, really---to try to pull someone into the light when they don't even realize they're paralyzed by darkness.
I am most certainly not the first person to think of this, but it became a personal epiphany for me as well. Almost as soon as I had the thought, I flashed to my profession as it is now. Today's students are not ones that I can do much for. I war with myself internally about it almost daily. They simply see very little need of improving their language skills, or themselves, for that matter. Too many of them have been told all their lives that they are perfect and anyone who tells them different is wrong and that they should never listen to anyone who says such a thing. Too many students have come to believe that there is no need for improvement in their lives; they are just exactly where they need to be. Too many think it's a ridiculous concept that I could have any insight into their lives or the world at large. I'm too old or too uppity about technology or simply just a stick in the mud. In other words, they're so deep in the darkness that they can't even see it.
I can't pull them kicking and screaming into the light; I must do what I can for whoever is yearning to come out into the sunshine and fresh air of a life improved as much as possible. I must push back the darkness as far as I can with whatever skills and tricks I have at my disposal. I must not beat myself emotionally for those who choose not to accept what I want to give them. Most importantly, I must remember that I can only do so much; God or life or fate or whatever we want to call it will do the rest.
That is the one bit of comfort I can take right now. I hope there is more to come.
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